I have been avoiding finishing this post, because I still don't want to believe that I am home. Don't get me wrong, I love Beatrice and Sioux Falls, but I left so much of my heart back in Honduras. Seriously, I have had the airline website opened on my computer ready to press, "purchase" at least a thousand times since I have been back. I have this strange feeling I'm working through with God. I absolutely love USF and so many of the people here, but yet a part of me wants to drop everything and teach in Honduras. The logical side of me says that would not be wise to do right now. Not now, but maybe some day. Anyway here is a brief catch up on my last week in Honduras (only eight months later... better late than never right?)
Monday 01/16/17:
I am still in disbelief that I was starting my last week here. It was a weird time, because I spent so much time missing things like, hot water, heat, wifi, cell service, friends, and so many other things most here wouldn't dream of having, but I didn't miss them anymore. I spent a solid week wanting to change my ticket, only to wanting to stay even longer. I spent too much time thinking about my friends in the U.S. and all that I was missing out on, that I would sometimes forget to make my own memories. The last week. I wasn't ready. I was up at 5 am with the dumb geckos. But I laid in bed under my mosquito net for awhile. "Lord where are you taking me. What are you teaching me". You see, I had high hopes of being totally changed by this trip and at this point, I felt slightly like a failure still. "Did I even really do anything?" I was not sure what I had learned and I didn't know until I arrived back in the states and it hit me so hard. I spent an hour sitting a talking to God and wrestling with the fact that I was leaving in 5 days. At 6 I finally scrambled out of bed to shower and get ready before breakfast at 6:45. This week would be a little different, because it was exam week. We ate breakfast and I was headed to school where as usual, I was attacked with lots of hugs from my sweet little kids. I was with first grade for that day. They had a few tests and then watched a movie in Spanish (which I actually understood quite a bit of it!) that afternoon I went into town with Job to run errands and then we headed to Puran. As we walked up the mountain I ran into a few kids I had come to know quite well. I met them on my first day and saw them every time I went to Puran. They were the sweetest. I love them. A lot. I got a little teary eyed realizing that I would only see them a couple more times before I would return home. Puran has a special place in my heart. Those who live there have nothing. They barely have water to drink and food to eat, yet they have so much joy and love. As I looked around I had many thoughts run through my head. We are so incredibly fortunate to live in the United States and to have all the things we would consider simple or even necessities. I have shoes on my feet, more than one place to call home, food to eat, water to drink whenever and almost wherever I want, clean clothes to wear every day, and so much more.
After we had visited Puran and made the drive back home. We arrived home at around 6 and of course it was already dark, but I walked across to my room and grabbed what I needed to take a quick shower and then headed to the "shower room". As I was in the middle of showering I heard a *plop* and let out a large gasp. I turned around and saw it... Another stinking gecko. Ya'll they are everywhere!! I stomped my foot and it slithered up the wall and out side. I quickly washed the soap out of my hair, threw on my clothes and ran to Job and Adria's house. We ate dinner and talked over things that were going on. Wifi was still iffy and was still not 100% sure how my mom was or even if she was still in the hospital. There was also another bump in the road. There were certain papers I had to get signed and notarized in order to get back into the U.S safely and with out trouble, which I had, but they were only signed by my mom which could potentially be a problem. There was also a good chance there would be another paper that would need to be signed and notarized. With my mom in the hospital and my dad not even living with us, this small incident became a very stressful situation for me. "Trust me. Everything is going to be fine. I've got you", God kept whispering to me over and over again. I truly did believe this, yet it was so hard for me to at the same time.
I headed to bed at around 11. I laid awake a little longer journaling and praying (under the safety of my mosquito net of course) and sometime after dozed off.
Tuesday 01/17/17:
I was wide awake at 5:30 a.m., but laid curled up under my covers and net as two birds frantically flew around my room and would not get out. Every time I would attempt to get out, one would come flying towards me. I finally braved it and ran outside my room and walked over to Job and Adria's and asked for a broom to chase those dumb exotic birds out. I like the outdoors, but I can only handle so much outdoorsyness. Once they were finally out, I got ready for the day and took time to do my devos and prepare for the day. We ate breakfast and then Job and I picked up a Honduran teacher and he dropped us off at the bus stop. We rode the bus with the kids and I enjoyed spending a little more time with some of my third graders. We arrived and I headed to the classroom to get my things settled before the kiddos arrived. I was in the Kindergarten room, while they were being tested individually in English and Spanish. We watched some movies and did lots of coloring. They had a few worksheets to work on and once they were finished they were able to play. It was a pretty laid back day filled with lots of tears (from them) and hugs. After school I rode the bus home and the walked through the village to get home. I was greeted by Carlitos, Bobby, and Meesa. They are 3 of the boys who live on the farm with the missionaries that own the property. They are so sweet! Once I threw my things in my room, I played out side with those 3 and their sister Sydney. Ugh they stole my heart. They asked numerous times why I was leaving and when I would reply with that I had to go home, they would reply that I was home. My home was here and I lived in the casita. I choked back the tears as I tried to explain that I lived in the United States and that I can't stay here because I was not from Honduras. When they were okay with the fact that I could not stay, they insisted that they come back with me. If only sweet ones..If only. This was one of the last nights Job, Adria, and I would have together, because Job was leaving for Langue (a 5 hour drive) early in the morning and would not be back until Friday when I would leave. We spent the night talking and reflecting on my time there and once again I was biting my lip, because I did not want to leave.
Wednesday 01/18/17
3 more days. They day started normally until Adria and I were getting ready to leave for school and the truck would not start. Long story short after trying multiple times and Job's dad coming out to try and fix it, they had to take it to get repaired. Job's dad took me to school that day which was great, but He knows hardly any English and we misunderstood each other on how to get to La Providencia. There's no google maps either so we were on our own until we stopped and asked for directions. I was a little over an hour late, but I was in the library with Miss. Lizzie that day so it was okay. The day was fairly uneventful, because it was exam week. We were out of school by noon and Adria picked me up at around 1 and we went into town to pick up a few more things before I left on Saturday. We went to a few random souvenir shops, ate Honduran tacos (very different from Mexican tacos) Got some ice cream and then headed to Job's sisters house, where they were having a going away party for Job's uncle who was returning to Chicago on Thursday. It was a blast! They sang Spanish songs and said some beautiful things. I got to hang out we Keran which was so fun! Even though we had minimal communication because we were not good at speaking each others language, we had fun! We left around 8ish, which was late for us or anyone to leave. We always tried to make it home before 6, because it would still be a little warm so showering was not freezing and it is not safe to be out anywhere after dark, even if you're just driving. Once we got home I filled up my water bottle and headed over to the casita where I got ready for bed a chased out geckos. Not much sleep happened, but resting was nice.
Thursday 01/19/17
2 More days. So I can change my plane ticket so that I can stay longer right? Because I don't want to leave. I laid in bed a little longer, because i didn't want the day to start yet. I wanted to stay here, even though I spent so much time wishing I was back home with hot water and all the luxuries I did not need or even want anymore. I reluctantly got ready, ate breakfast, and then went to school. Today was another slow day, so i wandered down to the clinic. There was an Orthopedic team from the United States and they had been very busy so I figured I would go check it out. I was able to walk in the waiting room, the recovery room, and even look into the surgical room. It took all I had not to break down. There were kids everywhere crying in pain, but I had to remember how good this is. They are receiving very inexpensive and even free medical care, that they would not otherwise receive. Something they were born with and shunned them from society, is finally being treated. I looked and saw all the kids and teens in casts and heavily sedated, but I got a beautiful glimpse into their future. It is so hard for me to fully describe how I felt while I was there, all I know is that my heart hurt. A lot. I was in the clinic most of the morning, occasionally stepping outside to keep myself from falling apart. I spent the afternoon with my ornery kindergartners. Oh those little boogers were so sneaky, but oh do I love them. They were still taking tests so I kept them in the room while they went out one by one. We had lots of fun, but they sure liked to test my limits.
After school, Adria and I went to Comayagua, which is about an hour away from Siguat. We went to a museum, saw the oldest clock in the Americas, and went to other random spots. Comayagua was absolutely beautiful! It was filled with color and life where ever I looked! We left around 4 and arrived home around 5 where Adria and I had our last round of smoothies and grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches. It's crazy how quickly my time here went. How is it possible that in just 74 hours I will be home? I took, my time getting ready and leaving for the casita that night and getting ready for bed. It's weird, because I just spent a lot of time starring at things. Trying to mentally save every image. I did not want to ever forget anything, because I was not sure if I would return, but I have a strong feeling that I will be returning very soon. Before I went to bed, Adria helped me pack and gather everything for tomorrow. After all that could be packed was packed, Adria headed back to their house and I sat under my mosquito net journaling and chatting with God until we lost power again. I knew it would probably be out until the morning or mid afternoon so I laid in my bed scrolling through pictures I had captured and writing notes until I fell asleep sometime after 3.
Friday 01/20/17
The birds squawked loud at 5 and I was again, wide awake. "If I don't get out of bed then I don't have to leave.." I slowly got out of bed and prepared for the day ahead. Praying God would bring me back sometime soon. I had one last breakfast with Job and Adria which consisted of a little bit of everything I knew I'd miss (Honduran coffee (THE BEST), scrambled eggs, beans, lemon bread, and tortillas). We finished our breakfast and then it was time for my last day of school. We jumped in the car and headed down the mountain to the bus stop. "Wow... I had know idea I would be so sad this was my last time riding the bus." We arrived at school and for the last time for awhile, I was greeted with sweet, happy, loving, ornery, faces. "Miss. Rebekah, Miss. Rebekah!!! Watch this! Miss. Rebekah, I colored this for you, Miss. Rebekah I made this for you to take home, Miss. Rebekah can we come with you?! Miss. Rebekah we love you, please don't leave us, you are our favorite!" Oh my heart was swelling with tears and happiness. A week ago, half of them hated me for taking away their recess and now everywhere I looked I was greeted with smiles and hugs. How was I supposed to leave them today?! How am I supposed to go back to my privileged life style and leave them here with nothing? I want to stay here for ever. This is my home and I can not leave. I spent the day with kindergarten again and floating to classrooms to say, "goodbye".. My heart was broken most of the day, because the reality that I was leaving was more real than ever and I didn't want it to be. I've said that like a gagillion times, but I really did not want to leave. Sure I was excited to see my family and friends, but I now had family and friends here in Honduras. Plus I had so many sweet children to love and take care of.
2 o'clock came around and Job and Adria picked me up to travel to home one last time and to say goodbye. I said my final "goodbyes" and "I love you"'s to my sweet children and to the staff. It was a long 20 minute drive as I tried to soak up every last bit and mentally save pictures of my surroundings and try my best to keep it together. We arrived at the farm where I grabbed my suitcase and backpack and loaded it into the back of the vehicle. I said my final goodbyes to the Colbaths and took one last long walk around the farm as I tried to just soak it all in. "This month went way too quickly. I'm not ready to leave, it's too soon. This place is so beautiful and so broken. Lord, give me strength as I go back." The tears that had been in my eyes all day were trying real hard to flow out, and I was not going to let them, not yet anyway. We left the farm at around 5 and started the 2 hour drive. Once we got to San Pedro, around 7:30 we stopped to eat and then headed to the airport where I paid my exit fee, checked my luggage, and waited until it was time to go to security. My mind drifted back to when I first arrived. I was so scared and so timid and had no idea what I was about to experience. Job and Adria spent some more time talking with me and praying over me, before it was time for me to go through security. I hugged them both, gave them endless 'thank you's', told them I would be back soon, and just when I thought I had made it with out any tears, all the tears I had been holding back came pouring out as I waved from the other side of the immigration window. I had my passport stamped, picture and finger prints checked, and then I was headed to security upstairs. Once I was cleared I found a window that over looked the "lobby" of the airport, where I spotted Job and Adria and that was officially our last "good bye" as we waved to each other with huge smiles. Wow oh wow have they sure blessed my life! I was all checked in and ready to go, but I still had around an hour and a half before my plane would leave (aka 2 a.m.) I went to grab a water and check out, because I was sooooo thirsty, but I had totally forgotten that the small amount of Honduran money I saved for souvenirs was packed away and my card worked at like 2 places over here (Darn it master card!) after debating if I should just fill up my water bottle with sink water I decided I still did not want to risk it, especially since I wasn't sure if the airport water was drinkable or not. I checked my phone and noticed I was down to like 33% so I found a spot on the ground where I plugged my phone in and waited as it slowly charged. (I mean super slow, like it only charged about 10% in an hour..) I sat and journaled, prayed for my trip, for Job and Adria's trip back home, for those I was leaving, and for what I would return to. I knew I was not prepared to encounter life in the United States again and I knew it was going to be a long hard struggle. I ate my last baby banana (literally the BEST bananas ever!) right before 1:45 am when it was time to board. Fear and worry began to set in.. In just under 24 hours I would be home, but my Nebraska home was the last place I wanted to be in that moment. I shoved my back pack under the seat in front of me and held my purse between the wall of the plane and myself. I wish I could have slept on this flight, but I was instructed by many to not sleep on the flight from San Pedro to Fort Lauderdale and to be extremely observant. So I was. Our flight left on time at 2 a.m. and we landed in Ft. Lauderdale at around 6:30 a.m. I was already exhausted, because I had officially been awake for 24 hours, plus I only had like 4 hours of sleep the day before. We exited the plan and headed to our respected areas. A majority of the plane went to the immigration line as I headed to the citizen line. Security was crazy as this was just 2 weeks after the shooting that took place at this airport. My heart broke many times while I was in this air port. As I saw families turned away in the immigration line and others saying painful good byes. It was finally my turn to start the process. I stood in front of a machine that scanned my face and finger prints and passport and then printed me a ticket, where I then went through security again, finally to arrive at the entrance point where the took the printed ticket as well as the card I filled out on the plane, and my passport. They asked me many questions as I tried to stay calm and remember everything Job and Adria had told me to do. Once I was cleared and my passport was stamped for the final time I was led through security one last time and led to the area where I would grab my bags and then process them again. As I arrived to the luggage claim my heart dropped as tears rolled down my face. There. Right there. 3 feet in front of me. A blood stain. Another over there and one right next to the carousel my bags were on. I froze. In my head I was partially thinking, "Rebekah you have a 5 hour layover and spent 4.25 of those hours in customs and security. You need to get coffee, check your luggage, and find your gate." but the other part of me.. "Oh my gosh. no. no .no .no. no. My friends were just here... they lived through this.. I was here less than 2 weeks before this and am here now... No. This is not fine. This is not okay." I finally moved my feet, grabbed my luggage, and rechecked it, but I stood there starring at the baggage claim area, thinking about how I could have very easily been there. I was supposed to be there. The day it happened was one of my original flight dates, but turned out tickets were cheaper for the next week so I switched. That blood on the carpet could have very easily been mine, but by the grace of God it wasn't. He had His hands on me the whole time and new exactly the dates I should be in Honduras. I am soooo loved by Him and standing in that baggage claim made that even more real! I gathered myself and headed upstairs. I had 20 minutes before my gate opened so I grabbed some coffee and a breakfast burrito. I took 3 bites of my burrito and immediately regretted it. Yep, not so easy to jump back into food from the U.S. I threw up in the trash can right next to me and chugged a bottle of water (because I was super thirsty) again a bad idea as I threw that up too. Instead i sat and charged my phone and sipped on my coffee and water. I once again had cell service and I was able to text my mom to let her know I was still alive and well. I was also able to contact many friends that I missed dearly. A phone cleanse was very good for me, but it was also nice to be able to be social with those I missed. I boarded my plane at 11 a.am. for an 11:45 departure. (We left at noon). From Fort Lauderdale, I had an hour and half flight to Orlando. Luckily I got to stay on the plane, because the next stop was Kansas City, which was a 3 and a 1/2 hour flight. I finally landed in Kansas City at around 6. By the time we exited the plan and I found my luggage it was almost 6:30 p.m. on Saturday. I grabbed some more coffee (the last time I had been to bed was Thursday night and I was up at 5 on Friday morning, so this was a necessity) and then I waited for my mom to pick me up which was shortly after. I stood in the pick up area in shock. "I'm here and I do not want to be. I never thought coming home would feel so weird and be so unsettling. Where am I?" I gave my mom a huge hug and loaded my things into the van and we headed to a pizza place to eat with some of my mom's college friends. I have to admit I was a little upset, because I hadn't slept for almost 2 days, nor showered, I just arrived home and had a big adjustment to make, I did not want to be with people. I had too much to process. I put a smile on my face and we ate, well I watched them eat, because I didn't dare try to eat anything. We finally left for the 3.5 hour drive home at 8. We were in Beatrice by 11:30, but before heading all the way home it was a necessity to stop and see my grandparents, especially my Gram who had been sick. I gave them their souvenirs and we finally pulled in our drive way at 12. I unloaded everything, threw some laundry in the wash, took a quick shower, ate some eggs and finally jumped in my bed at 1:45 ish. I had officially been up for 49 hours, but I was home and in my bed, with no geckos and birds, which little did I know I would end up missing shortly after.
I am SO incredibly blessed to have had this opportunity to see the brokenness and beauty of Honduras, the grace and love of our merciful God, and the chance to shatter and callous my heart. Honduras will always be another home and a piece of my heart will always be there. Please feel free to read my blogs prior to this one as well as the blog that sheds some light on what it was like for me to come back to the United States.
While I so badly want to return this year, for wonderful reasons, God shut those doors and while I am saddened by the fact I will not return this year, I am greatly filled with joy with the new door he swung open, so I am also excited to announce that on January 12th I will be headed to Narobi Kenya in Africa on a Medical Mission trip!!!
My heart is so ready to serve the African people and this amazing God! I ask the you please keep me and the team I will be travelling with in your prayers as we prepare to go. If you have any questions about this trip or how you can support me, please do not hesitate to ask!
thank you for following my journey to Honduras as this is the "last official" post, meaning this is the last post I wrote in Honduras. All other posts will be stories/ memories/ and maybe a few random journals.
Love,
Rebekah
P.S. a link to pictures!! Also please understand that due to safety concerns, I can not, at this time, post pictures of the children from La providencia, but I would love to show you if you ask!
https://www.facebook.com/bekah.raielle16/media_set?set=a.1457038647670095.1073741847.100000919207499&type=3
