Trust and Never doubt -LTC 2015, Denver Colorado

Terrified. I had just gotten home from a week long tour with Esprit and I was terrified. In just 9 hours I would be on the road again to go back to Colorado. Why you may ask, for a Christian conference called Lead THE Cause University founded by Dare2Share and held at Colorado Christian. As I arrived home from the final Esprit concert at around 11 P.M. and unloaded everything from my van to my room, fear began to set in. I sat on my bed totally aware of what all I needed to do before those 9 hours passed. Unpack, laundry, pack, get snacks, double check packed items, and probably at some point shower. The list continued of what all needed to be done, but I just sat there as slowly, yet powerfully the fear and doubt of the unknown began to creep deep down into me. Why should I worry? Why should I be at all afraid of what that next week would bring? Because I couldn't control it and I had NO idea what I was getting myself into. For the past three years I had gone down to Carey Mississippi with my youth group and taught VBS at three different churches. I loved it, the kids loved it, and the community loved it. Not only did my youth group look forward to making the long journey down, but so did the ones who lived in Carey. We brought SO much joy, hope, and love to the ones we encountered while down there. A few things you need to know about Carey, This town is extremely poor. One of the poorest in the U.S. These families have close to nothing and many of the children have no love. Every year my focus was to love on them every chance I had. This would have been my fourth year going, but my youth leaders made the very difficult decision to not take us to Carey Mississippi this year. A long, hard, choice that I honestly really doubted. I needed to see my kids. I had to, the relationship I had built with them over those three years was remarkable. Things would never be the same. What I didn't know was that God had it all figured out the whole time. He shut one door, which was Missions Trip, but He opened up an incredible window, which was Lead THE Cause.
This window was a whole new experience not only for me, but for my youth group as well. Sleep deprived and stressed Rebekah came out as late Sunday night I had a total meltdown with God praying, "Lord is this really what you want me to do? I just had an amazing week and now I'm going to this conference? I'd give anything to just see the sweet smiles of my Mississippi girls. There is no way this is what you want me to do. Is this really going to happen? Lord change their minds!" My mind was so full of doubt and my body shaken with fear. I was terrified. After about an hour of wrestling with God, I finally pulled myself together and began to repack. "What if this? What if that? What if.. What if... What if...??" The thoughts continued in my mind as I laid down to get approximately 3 hours and 14 minutes of sleep before leaving on this dreadful trip. *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* My alarm sounded and I violently shut it off and began to get ready for the long car ride. I did the essentials and threw some last minute things in my suitcase, put on a smile and called it good. "Here we go.." I said as I let out a long, hard sigh. "There's no turning back now", I thought after we prayed, said our last goodbyes, and loaded into the vans. Nine hours later we arrived at the campus of Colorado Christian University and it's raining, not only that, but I then find out that the dorm I'm staying in had NO air conditioning. " Oh great this week is already starting out fabulous". Though I was fearful of this trip, I didn't forget to pray about it. "Father I'm terrified. I have no idea why you want me here or what you want from me. Grow our relationship and help me to be who you want me to be. Show yourself in a way I've never seen before. Break my heart for what breaks yours Lord. Change my heart from the inside out."
The first session began at 7 P.M. on Monday night. After the first 30 minutes I realized how incredibly dumb I was. For the first day and a half we focused on nothing but prayer and worship. Anyone remember in Veggie-Tales version of Jonah? When Jonah is in the stomach of the whale and the gospel singers come out and start singing, "If you believe Gods love is true, then you should know what you should do." Or one of the famous gospel songs with lyrics that say, "Trust and never doubt, He will bring you out! I know the Lord will make away!" Yeah... why didn't I think of those earlier. Within those first 30 minutes any doubt that I had left was totally wiped away. Picture this: A school gym with tables and chairs set up and a small stage. Students and leaders filling almost every seat and the band in genuine worship. As the worship continues Gods presence grows. Hands of teens and leaders reaching out to their heavenly father and calling out to their daddy. Surrounded by pure worship. Now picture this: Moments later after a very powerful talk about prayer, leaders and students drop to their knees and pray prayers of thanks, love, requests, anything. Do you have any idea how it feels to not only be on your knees talking to your heavenly father, but also be surrounded by genuine prayer? I can not even begin to describe the feeling. That was just on the first day!
Tuesday morning we had a core training and another session about praying with PASSION and not just passion, but with a GENUINE heart as well. God already knows what we're going to say before we say it, so there is no need to try and fancy it up. "And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words." Matthew 6:7  It's better for your prayers to come from your heart, than a bunch of empty, meaningless words. Just talk to God as if you were talking to your best friend, for that's what he longs to be. "And pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests." Ephesians 6:18 Get exciting news and want to text your number one contact? Pray and tell God first. Awful day and want to have a rant session with your best friend? Talk to your Father who cares and loves for you more than any song or written word could express. You see the best thing about prayer is that there is a 24 hours a day and 7 days a week connection. You will never run out of minutes, lose service, have roaming charges, or get dead battery. The line will never be busy and it's always a straight call. See one of the amazing things about God is his ability to hear prayer. There are 7.125 billion people in the earth and roughly 6,500 languages spoken and OUR GOD can hear every. single. prayer. How amazing is that?! I can barely listen to music and hear what my mother is instructing me to do at the same time. Later on Tuesday afternoon we ventured to Columbine high school where 13 were killed and roughly 24 injured by 2 lost souls by the names of Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris. Though I myself do not remember the tragic event, it does have a special place in my heart, knowing that my graduating class has lost 3 students since our eighth grade year. I felt honored to walk around the campus and pray. Here are a couple quotes from the memorial.
  "I would be misleading you if I said I understand this. I don't"
 "I think this caused people to strengthen rather than shake their faith in God."
This memorial was a very solemn place and to read the quotes of not only the injured, but what the families had written for the fallen was heart breaking. One by one that day we nailed new commitments to a cross at the top of the hill at the memorial. As we started to leave the wind began to pick up and the sky began to shed a few drops almost as if God was tearing up, after each student made a promise pleasing to Him.
Wednesday and Thursday we had core training and sessions in the morning. In the afternoon we had what they called, "Stranger Danger Evangelism". Which was basically where each group was in charge of an area in Denver and we had go up to random people and share the GOSPEL. For those of you who don't know this acronym here it is:
G-God created us to be with Him
O-Our sins separate us from God
S-Sins can not be removed by good deeds
P-Paying the price for our sins, Christ died and rose again
E-Everyone who trusts in Him alone has eternal life
L-Life with Jesus starts now and lasts FOREVER
Knowing the GOSPEL is the easy part, it's sharing it is where it gets tricky. You have know idea how scary it is to go up to completely random strangers, in a city you are not familiar with at all, in a park you don't know. Though this was challenging, it really opened my eyes. When making disciples who make disciples or even just sharing your faith, not every one is going to say yes. In fact you'd be surprised at how many people would refuse to let you pray for them. There were many who allowed us to pray for them like a sweet old lady by the name of Margaret whose grandson was in jail. I listened as she struggled to talk and prayed as she wept. Or a lovely lady by the name of Janet who was desperately looking for a new apartment. She lived in an apartment with her 15 year old son in a very dangerous neighborhood and feared her son would get caught up in a local gang. I have so many stories from stranger danger evangelism, but one that I have not stopped thinking about is from a young man named Andrew. A homeless college student from Pittsburgh but stuck in Denver trying to get into college. He was raised Catholic, but went his own way. He was on the right track of how to get to heaven, but he had questions, oh did he have questions. They were very good questions too, I could definitely tell he was thinking. He was thinking hard. Though he didn't accept Christ after the long talk we had with him, I know we planted a seed and I know that the gears in his head were turning. After we left to get on our bus, I peeked back and saw him continue to look back at us. He was lost. wandering. hopeless. It is my prayer that another seed was planted that night when he went to the Denver rescue mission.
You think you are the majority and it's a stab in the heart when you discover you're actually the minority. Just because your friends are "good" people doesn't mean they are saved. I guarantee every single one of us know a friend or an acquaintance that is searching. I challenge you to be the light in their dark world. Be the one to save their life. Some verses for encouragement:
"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" Matthew 16:26

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" Matthew 28:19-20

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes..." Romans 1:16

I could go on and on and on, giving you verse after verse, but they're just empty words on a page if you don't believe or put them into practice. I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't terrifying going up to random strangers, and even more terrifying talk to those you know and have a relationship with. Terrified. That is how I felt yet again as we did stranger danger evangelism, but I am thankful for that experience. There is no time to waste. If you are debating telling someone, do it. Your reward in heaven is far more better than any friendship, position, or any other earthly belonging. YOU have a chance to save a life. Listen, if we are wrong about God we've only wasted our lives, but if they are wrong, they've wasted they're eternity.
Thursday, I was a tad mopey and I could not figure out why. I was in the mountains, at one of my dream schools, worshiping God, and having what should have been the time of my life. As I pondered what was wrong it hit me. I had prayed earlier, "Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours." He did just that as tears began to stain my cheeks, slowly they fell and as the music of worship continued I was weeping in with a broken heart that had been filled with joy! "Thank you Jesus" The only prayer that came to mind.
Friday night all who were called to made one last commitment at LTC. That is, Go all out for Jesus and make disciples who make disciples. Share his light where ever you go.
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill can not be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven." Matthew 5:14-16
Don't hide your light! Shine it bright for all to see! Just because you do not proclaim the gospel wherever you go doesn't mean others won't hear it. For some, us as believers are the only Bible they will ever "read". In most cases actions speak louder than words, and in that case, love! Shine your light and LOVE!
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:7-10
I can't think of any better way to put it than that. After we signed the sign, marking our commitment, we prayed and continued to worship in the mountains.
Early Saturday morning we prepared to leave, me taking my sweet time to gather my things. I didn't want to leave, partially because I loved it there at CCU and loved Colorado, and partially because I was terrified. Wait a minute, Didn't I start this trip off being terrified? Yeah, I did, but this was a whole new kind of terrified. I was terrified that I would get home and fall into my old ways. I was terrified that I would grow distant from God, because in all honesty that past week I had been closer to God than I had ever been before. I was terrified I wouldn't keep my commitments. I was terrified. There were so many different things I was terrified about, and the longer I thought, the more things I added to the list.
Everything was finally loaded and we were ready to hit the road back home. "Here we go... Lord help me now. This is in your hands. Guide us. Lord don't let us return to our old ways, help us keep what we built with you." My prayer as we left CCU. As we stopped to pray at the Nebraska border as well as the Gage county line, my heart continued to beat faster.
7:30 P.M. We pulled into the church parking lot. This was it. The week was officially over and we were going back home. We unloaded the trailer, prayed, and went our separate ways.
As I laid in bed that night reminiscing with God about the different events that would change my life for good, I realized I had absolutely nothing to fear. I am a warrior. I am a soldier. I am a daughter. I am Gods and there is nothing anyone can do to change that, and because that is true, I can do anything as long as I have him by my side. This year is going to be one for the scrapbooks. There is no way I can keep the commitments I made by my self, but my Father in heaven is always watching and guiding my steps. So for now, I'm going to unplug from what society says is right, and plug into what my father says is best.
"It takes a soldier, who knows his orders to walk the walk I'm suppose to walk. And love like I'm not scared, give when it's not fair, live life for another, take time for a brother." Fix my eyes- For King and Country
Love, Fight the good fight, and talk to the one who gave you voice!

Esprit 2015- Do Something!

Hello all! It's been awhile. Hope all is well! I'm writing this blog in a quaint hotel  room on a sleepless night in beautiful Colorado (though by the time I post this I'll be back in good ol' Nebraska.). I'm here with a wonderful group called Esprit. For the past few months this has been my life. Practices, choreography, blocking, dress rehearsal, and finally tour in Colorado for a couple days and Nebraska for the rest of the week. My prayer leading up to tour was, "Lord, make this real. Make this mine. Grow us. Break up the fallow grounds of my heart. Mold me and make me into who YOU want me to be." For weeks I have prayed his prayer. You see two years ago on my first Esprit tour I re-dedicated my life to God with the help of a wonderful woman. Last year I experienced God's creation in a whole new way, by seeing the breathtaking mountains of Colorado for the very first time. This year not just the "Esprit year", but the 2014-2015 has been a whole new experience. I have grown not only as a person, but also in my relationship with God. I have felt Him in new ways that I never have before. Which brings me back to my prayer,"Make this real Lord. Make this mine.Grow me. Grow us. Break up the fallow ground of my heart. Mold me and make me into who you want me to be". These past couple of years of Esprit have been amazing! They have impacted my lives in huge ways! but this year I felt a special connection with God and answered prayers. I have never in my life felt as close to my Savior as I do now. He took his plow and broke the tough, calloused, skins covering my heart. Our relationship is ours. It's mine. Not that of my mom, or friends, or pastors, or that of what is expected of me. Our relationship has grown into something beautiful! It grew slowly as I watched my friends sing their hearts out for Jesus and my family and friends smile with joy in the audience. It grew as I watched the faces of the the children at camp IdRaHaJe light up with happiness and laughter. Then all at once as we stood performing in a park with a sight of mountains and the sun setting in the background. Yet that was not the sight I was watching. I was mesmerized by the three people just to my left. Three homeless people and three lost souls. I looked over during one of our more powerful songs,"Unredeemed" and as we sang these words, "It may be unfulfilled, It may be unrestored. but when anything that's shattered is layed before the Lord. Just watch and see it will not be unredeemed." My heart was crushed as I saw them worshipping the one and only God. After the performance I made a point to meet these lovely souls. Raymond, Heidi, and Gilbert. As I listened to their stories. I learned that they had been living on the streets for a long time. All three had health issues, but Heidi was especially bad. She lost most her teeth years ago, has breathing troubles, and her legs/ feet are in terrible condition. She can't walk, stand, or sit for long periods of time. She can't walk with out a cane, (a broom stick) or a shopping cart. I listened as they told me they felt abandoned, lost, and hopeless. I listened as the told how that had changed after our concert. They had so little, yet they had everything because they felt true love from the Lord. I was honored to pray with them and another friend. Before we left they told me we had changed their lives. With tears in my eyes I walked back to the bus and thought, "No. You changed mine.". At that moment God had torn away the last layer of callouses. He dug deep into the root of my heart and and plowed away the part that had caused such trouble. It was then that I finally realized the impact this group has on people. It was then that I knew exactly why I was not feeling God in my life recently. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a relationship as, " the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other". A relationship goes two ways. You're going to get out of it what you put in. If I wanted to see God in my life I needed to actively seek Him. " 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:12-13 If I am seeking Him with all my heart, I WILL find Him. I never felt Him, because I hardly ever spent time with Him. A personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the best relationship you can and ever will have, but it takes work. You can't just expect changes in your life if you don't read His word or spend time talking with Him. I was wanting to feel Him and see Him, but it was almost impossible, because I spent so little time with Him. Most time the most important relationship is the on you value the most and the one you put first. That should be our relationship with God, but often he is our last choice or last resort. Even if we are lost sheep on the run, He will leave the others to come searching for us and He will rejoice once we have come back! He loves us more than any words could describe. So instead of opening that Pinterest app, pointlessly scrolling through Facebook, spending hours on the internet or phone, or even just staring blankly at the T.V. Shut them off, close the pages, and open the pages that tell you story after story. Every genre can be found, love, fiction (Parables), Non-fiction, biography, auto-biography, mystery, and so so SO much more! You'll never know what you're missing out on until you unplug from the world and plug into the eternal life source!