3:30 A.M. and I still had yet to pack more than socks. What was so different about this year than the past three trips? I hadn't seen my girls in TWO YEARS. You would have thought I couldn't wait to leave. Last year I would have given anything to go to Mississippi instead of Lead THE Cause and now that we were going, a part of me didn't want to leave. As I threw what I needed into a suitcase so many thoughts filled my mind. I was scared. No. I was terrified. "What if my girls didn't remember me? What if something awful happens while we are down there? What if I don't have the same girls I have had? What happens when no kids show up? What if the center changes their mind and we can't stay there? What if this whole evangelism training we are doing blows up in our faces? What if I totally biff my skit?" No electronics for nine days and no way to escape those around me. I sure had a lot on my mind for 4 O'Clock in the morning. I don't know why it was so hard for me to just trust God and His plan. I had the same issue last year and everything went splendidly. I finally settled down for bed at around 4:30. I got about an hour and a half of sleep before sluggishly rolling out of bed to get ready and finish packing. We arrived at the church and everyone helped load the trailers. We prayed in a circle for the week, for the kids, for those of us that were traveling, for the weather, for anything and everything. We prayed. Finally we packed into 3 different vans and began the drive to Russellville, Arkansas where we would spend the night at a church.
#VanFam
We stopped for a picnic someplace near Kansas City.
We had a pretty good view as we sat, ate, and stretched our legs for a bit. We continued on our way when one of the tires on one of our trailers popped..
"Ugh I just want to be out of this van." Were my thoughts. I was at the back of one of the vans and the air conditioning was not working too good. Our awesome sponsors quickly got that fixed and we were on our way again. After a couple more hours of driving we stopped for supper at Braum's (Don't ask me where.. I don't know.)
This is one of my best friends and I. Let's just say we were a little hungry. ;) Once again we loaded onto the vans and drove for another 3 hours, until FINALLY we made it to the church we would stay at. We unloaded everything and made our selves at home for the night. We were handed a book that contained our small group lessons, personal devos, and group devos. I don't know why, but when I got mine I didn't even want to look at it. We sat in a circle in the gym of the complex and began group devos. "Okay.. yeah,, everything might be fine." That week our youth group would be focusing and learning about Daniel. "Yeah, yeah I know that story. Guy loves God so much, won't worship the idol, gets thrown into a lions den, but is not harmed by them." While this is true the book and story of Daniel is so much more. Something I never took the time to realize until that week. We all headed to bed, because the next day would be packed.
As we all got ready, we ate breakfast and did our personal devos, which consisted of two columns. Column 1: The lie. and Column 2: The truth. Each lie had the truth written next to it and bible verses to support it and to show us what God says about us. After our quiet time was done, we cleaned the church, packed the trailers, and started the 5 hour drive to Greenville, Mississippi, where we would make a stop at Wal-Mart and then drive another hour to Cary, our home. After driving for a few hours we arrived at the Mississippi boarder.
When we arrived at Cary it was just like being home. As soon as I walked through the doors at Cary Christian Center I was home. It was like almost all my fears and doubts had been whipped away. This was my home. As the majority of the group unloaded all the coolers, groceries, and luggage, I headed to the girl's dorm. I was graduated which meant I got to arrange the room AND choose my bunk first. A couple of my friends and I pushed and pulled bunks until it was the perfect homey feel. After we all claimed our spots and made our beds we quickly put stuff away in the kitchen and in the living room so we could go play basketball with some of the kids that hang around the center.
All of us get schooled in basketball by the Mississippi kids every year, but it's still a blast hanging out with them and getting to know them. Sunday aka Day 2 in Cary we went to church in Anguilla at Christian Lite church. This was a whole new experience for us all. All of us except a few of the leaders had never been to a church service down in Mississippi. I think we all cleaned up pretty well.
If you think you think you've been to a one of a kind church service, you haven't been to a Mississippi Church service. The whole service was about an hour and 45 minutes. ALL of the music was done acapella, there were two offerings, and oh wow could that pastor preach!! Did I mention they could sing and sing good? It was a wonderful cultural experience and I'd go again in a heartbeat. After church we helped finish lunch and then started to prepare for the long week a head of us. Those of us that were in a skit or had a big group lesson, started out by reviewing how it would go and adding in the props, and the music.
Once finished with big group activities, we looked over the lesson for day one and gathered the materials needed for that day and start prepping for Tuesday. Tuesdays project included us tying together pieces of yarn until we had 38 feet and then rolling it onto a spool. We then helped arrange the adorable craft the kids would make.
After we finished crafts it was supper time. Once clean up was finished we had some time to our selves until group devos. The outside of the center just has a strange peace to it.
There's nothing super special about it except for the memories that have been made and the memories that will continue to be made. A couple years ago on our last morning, God sent a gorgeous sunrise with a hint of fog. this picture doesn't do the view justice, but is a small insight into why I love this place so much.
I remember that morning so clearly. I said 'goodbye' and 'see ya next year', just like I had the past two years, not knowing that it would be two years before I'd hug my sweet girls again. That morning. One I will probably never forget.
Monday came and we dawdled around as we ate breakfast, got ready, and did our quiet time.Today was our first day at VBS and our first day doing evangelism training. "Father I sure hope you know what you're doing." Why was I so terrified? We arrived at Christian Lite and many greeted their kids. I wandered around for awhile. Not seeing any of the 3 girls I'd had my previous 3 years. "What if they don't come? What if we don't recognize each other? It had been two years. Oh Lord bring my girls please." I asked and he answered. Standing on the edge of the crowd I saw a much older and much calmer little girl. I saw my precious Brianna.
Brianna and I go way back. She was my very first Mississippi girl. She was only 4 when I met her, the last time I saw her she was 7, and I stood looking at her with tears in my eyes,because in front of me stood a beautiful 9 year old. She saw me, gasped, and shouted,"BEKAH" as she ran into my arms. I didn't want to let go, because in that moment everything was perfect. She had been at every VBS and at every VBS she sat on my lap, even when she was covered in syrup. She was the first girl that God used me to lead her to Christ. My first year she was for sure that Jesus, baked her cookies and did not die for her. (Don't worry she figured it out ;)) I was with her when she had nothing, because her house and everything in it had burned down not long before we came and I was there as she received her very first Bible. Brianna and I, we had a bond. So you could imagine how I felt when I did NOT have her in my small group. Things got mixed up and God decided I needed some super sassy seventh graders and a sweet third grader. It was hard for me to not have Brianna in my small group, but she made sure she found me everyday and gave me a giant hug and an, "I love you!"
My other two girls were in two other small groups as well and I had this crazy bunch!
From left to right: Shantanna, Me, Kayla, and Marshayla (Shay)
And this cutie is Ahmerica. From the start of Monday morning I knew I was going to have my hands full! The age difference between Ahmerica and the other three girls set up quite the challenge. Did I mention that I had seventh graders? Did I mention they were sassy? They wanted to spend the time talking about boys and drama. You don't know sass until you visit the south. "Guys give me ten minutes and then we can talk about whatever." Usually effective. With them- not so much. "Okay if we get through the lesson I'll give you a piece of gum." <<< Very effective. Even though they drove me crazy, I had so much love for each of them, because I could look into their eye and see there was so much more. So much they didn't show. I could see how scared they were and how lost and how worried they were. Each smile they sent my way melted my heart a little more every time. The last couple days we were able to really get deep. We talked and opened up like we had known each other for years. One of my girls thought she might be pregnant. She's 12. That's nothing unusual down there. Let that sink in. Another had scars from being beat and scars from cigarettes being put on on her skin. "I'm a bad girl." That's what she told me. "No you're not. Don't ever think that you deserve this." I told her as I hugged her. I told them I loved them every day before they left, because I genuinely did and do love them. The youngest of the seventh grade girls responded one day, "You're the only one who has said that to me and meant it." My third grader would just melt into my arms every time I held her. She snuggled tight and never wanted to let go and I knew she probably didn't get that love at home. I'm sure they learned a lot that week, but I know for a fact that I learned more than I can even put into words. They sure changed my heart.
Here's what a typical day at VBS looked like. We would arrive at Christian Lite, Meet the kids and hand out name tags. We then headed inside for the opening lesson and songs. Here's a glimpse at one of the song we did. A new song for all of us, but one we all fell in love with. Our theme song, Walk this way--
Songs were one of my favorite times of the day. You could see the pure joy on each of their faces every time it was time to sing. Their faces just lit up!
After opening and songs, boy stayed for small group and girls headed outside for rec. My girls were not a fan of rec. They preferred to play, "Down by the Banks" or "Little Sally Walker". We made sure they had a great time no matter what the game that day was. Once rec was over we headed to the back of the church where we had snacks.
After snack we headed back inside for craft time, which they loved!
Once we had finished crafts it was time for small group time, which got a little crazy at times. And sometimes they were eager and ready to do the lesson.
Small group was my chance to really bond with my girls and get to know who they really are. There were days it was a challenge and I just wanted to quit, but I had to remind myself of a few things that I will explain later on. After Small group it was time for closing and more songs! We prayed and then the kids were dismissed. We cleaned up after that mornings activities and then ate lunch. When we had finished lunch we had between 30 and 45 minutes before the afternoon session. Those few minutes were our chance to do our devos, rest in God's presence, and prepare for the afternoon. At 1 O' Clock kids ages 13 and up were welcomed back to the church for out evangelism training that our youth pastor, Sam lead.
I don't know why, but I was not excited for this training at all. My main two reasons were, 1.) I had already done this training 2 or 3 times. and 2.) We weren't going to the afternoon churches. Which meant I would not get to see Tarrianna or Shirah. Two of the sweetest girls I ever had. Tarrianna was a little sassy. The first year I had hear she did not want anything to do with me or anyone else. So we sat and I rocked her as she balled and screamed, but for some reason she snuck her way into my heart and the next year we came back I was the only one she would sit with.
This is ms. Tarrianna with her completed craft 2 years ago
Sweet Shiriah on our last day 2 years ago.
These girls were why I didn't want to do the training, but God had better plans in mind. The first day of training there were maybe 10 kids, but by the end of the week there were so many that had come and gone. There were probably 60 different Mississippi kids there through out the week, each equipped with a little or a lot of information to share the gospel and live for Jesus. About half way through the week it hit me that this was exactly what Cary and Anguilla needed. They needed teens and adults who would take a stand for their faith and preach the good news. My prayer is that they continue to live for Jesus and His word long after we left.
After training we cleaned up and piled back into the vans to travel "home", sometimes making a stop at FREDS, their "Walmart". Upon arriving home, we unloaded and helped finish supper. If there was not much to do we spent times in the dorms, in the hang out area, or outside. Sometimes we felt a little bad about how much food we had consumed, (no one goes hungry on MT. You eat a ton!), we would do mini work outs in th hang out space.
We were planking masters by the end of the week.
After dinner and clean up we had some more free time to kind of do whatever. Some of the popular "to do's" were playing knock out, chilling in the dorms, or hopping in the shower before everyone else came in and filled them. We typically had group devos at 9:30. We'd start by singing a few songs and then we'd take a break to get snacks and do e-mails. E-mail time was the most entertaining time until you were the one who got an e-mail. You don't just get your e-mail, you have to earn it. For instance, I had to stick my head in a cooler filled with ice water in order to receive my e-mail. After e-mails it was time to settle down and dig into God's word. Group devos ended up being one of my favorite aspects of the trip. I learned so much, God convicted me of many things, and He just really worked on my heart. He taught me a little something each day until the last day, when BAM. It all hit me.
The whole week it felt as thought Satan was trying so hard to beat us down and get us to turn negatively towards God and I believe he was doing so long before we left. Tuesday night, the day before I would teach the big group lesson and closing I had a smack in the face. As I read two lines in my script, it hit me that this is what I need to start focusing on. "It's not about me. It's about what God is doing through me. God's plan is way bigger and way better than ours." Both pretty "duh" statements, but how often do we believe these words? No matter where I go, what I do, or what happens to me, it has absolutely nothing to do with me, it has all to do with what God is doing through me. Though the road is tough, the view is beautiful. God can use us in great ways if we let Him. His plan for our lives is SO incredible. No matter what I have planned, the dreams I have, or how I picture my life, it's all pointless if it's not what God has intended. This lesson I was to teach these kids was having more of an impact on me than I think it did on them. Free will can be a great thing, but it can be scary. To think of working so hard at a passion your entire life, just to have it taken from you, can be devastating. These lyrics are so very true, "You give and take away, BUT Blessed be the name of the LORD." He gave us this life and all that it entails, therefore he has every right to take any part of it away at anytime. His way is THE way.
Wednesday came and it was time for me to let God speak through me.
I stumbled on my words a few times, the activity didn't go the way it was suppose to, and the kids were rowdy. It was a rough opening, but another reminder that it's not about me, but what God is doing through me. Who cares if I looked like a fool at some points, God used it in a way He had planned.
That night, during group devos I had another punch in the gut, which I had some sort of eye opening moment during every group devo, but this one, this one left me pretty silent the rest of the night. As mentioned earlier we spent the week studying Daniel. That night in particular we discussed idols. "Oh you mean big golden statue or structures you bow down and worship? Yeah that's so like 2,000 years ago. I don't have any idols." Wrong. Cell phone. Friends. Appearance. Reputation. "Stuff". The list goes on and on. Just because we aren't bowing down to a king or golden statue does not mean we aren't worshiping an idol. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines an idol as- "A greatly loved or admired person. a picture or object that is worshiped as a god." As a Christian that definition goes a little deeper. In the word of John Piper, "Idolatry starts in the heart, craving, wanting, enjoying, being satisfied by anything that you treasure more than God." By this definition ANYTHING can be an idol. That hit my heart pretty hard. Their are many times where I skip my devos because sleep was more appealing or I scroll through my Facebook rather than taking a few minutes to quiet myself before God. My selfish desires become an idol. How often do I put God before anything? In all reality not very. "Because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the creator, who is blessed forever!" -Romans 1:25 Ouch. Let that verse sink in as you read these words from Jimmy Nedham's song, Clear the Stage. "Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I want with all my heart is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking about is an idol. Anything I give all my love and time to, is an idol." We have a wonderful creator to praise. He sent His only son to die on a cross to show His love for us and to save us from the death we all deserve, yet sometimes we don't even acknowledge His existence. What idols are keeping you from experiencing God's joy? I know my list, and my heart will strive to chase the one true God.
Cross at the top of a mountain at camp IdRaHaJe in Colorado.
The week continued and there were so many wonderful memories made, it made it hard for me to say goodbye to my girls on Friday.
Friday Morning I said goodbye to a place I had called home for one week for 4 summers. This is such a great place with so many wonderful memories of laughter and tears.
Flossi is probably the sassiest person I have ever met, but oh do I love her!
Goodbyes are hard
They loved playing with my, "soft white gurl hair"
They were pretty good at it!
Saying goodbye to the center and then my girls was especially hard this year, because I don't know the next time I'll see them. If you would have told me at the beginning of the week that I would have had so much love for these girls, I would have stared at you and laughed. If you told me that week would go the way it went, I would have called you crazy. God did so many awesome things that week. It was for sure a trip I will never forget.
We loaded the trailers and vans and started our drive to Russellville where we would once again stay the night at our second home and I was SO PUMPED, because this year my friend and I were determined to pull an all nighter. The week is exhausting and we get very little sleep, but we always attempt to pull an all nighter but are always a couple hours away from making it.
We had a little help at around 2 a.m. plus all the pop we drank, but we made it!!
We loaded the trailer for the last time and were headed home (to our actual homes). I slept most of the way until we stopped somewhere in Missouri for lunch. I remember hopping out of the van and not feeling super well. I shrugged it off and assumed it was because I hadn't slept much. I ordered and sat down and took sips of water. When my food arrived I still feel well so I took a couple bites and left the rest. I stood up and felt super light headed and don't remember much after that. The next thing I knew I was laying on the ground in a Dairy Queen and I couldn't breathe or do much of anything and then the put me in an ambulance. I sat in the E.R. confused and super embarrassed. I guess I had fainted and then didn't recover from it very well. I don't remember too much from Dairy Queen, but the E.R. was an experience. I am so super thankful for my awesome leaders Sam and Becca and of course all the other leaders, but I am especially thankful for these two. They have made an incredible impact in my life and have kept me running the good race. I couldn't imagine not having these two in my life. They have stuck by my side through everything even when I was stubborn.
It was almost a necessity to take a hospital selfie ;)
It was hard for me to sit in the E.R. knowing that everyone was on their way home and I was stuck there hooked up to machines. My last MT and I wouldn't get to arrive home with all my friends or have one last van ride, but all was fine. After I was released we headed for home. I slept part of the way and the rest of the way we had some good talks. Sam, Becca, and Pat May are some pretty awesome leaders and I am blessed to have them in my life.
One of the biggest Jesus hits came our last night at the center. We sat and sang as it hit me that, that was probably the last night I would stay at Cary Christian Center and the next morning would probably be the last time I saw my sweet girls. I was fine until we came to the song, What do I know of Holy? by Addison Road. I've had a love hate relationship with this song since my 8th grade year when I heard it for the first time on my first Missions Trip. "I've made you promises a thousand times. I've tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time, I think I made you too small. I never feared you at all. If you touched my face would I know you? Looked into my eyes could I behold you? What do I know of you who spoked me into motion?....I guess I thought that I had figured you out. I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about how you were mighty to save, but those were only empty words on a page. Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be. The slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees." "What do I know? What so I know of this great and magnificent God? Who am I to preach His word yet barely know the truth myself? " My thoughts when I heard this song my first year. My thoughts now, "What do I know of you Lord? You who gave me life and purpose. You who has a grand plan? I will never fully understand You and Your mysteries, but I really don't have to." Tears streamed my face, oh what a beautiful life, oh how terrified I am to leave what I know. See the difference between my first year and this year is, I have felt God in so many different ways since that first year. I have had those moments where His presence is overwhelming and all I can do is fall to my knees in a weeping mess. When we allow God in, the smallest of His presences is enough to shake anyone to the ground, but that same power can shoot you to a new high and burn a new fire in your soul. That night I sat there I understood the power of God and was terrified. Not terrified of God, but terrified of where His will would lead me. There I sat, a graduated senior getting ready to leave for a college 5 hours away where I knew very few people, while all my friends attended schools in the same town or just a short drive from there. I sat and realized that God was sending me on an adventure bigger than I had ever imagined and I was in denial that He ever would. This part of my life, missions trip, wasn't ending. It was just changing. I don't know where God will lead me, but after one last week in Mississippi my heart had a new beat. "Here I am Lord. Send me. Let me be your hands and feet." I don't know where God will lead me, but I know what He's calling me to do. Whether I go to Africa, Haiti, India, Jaimaica, or wherever I know He's leading me and guiding me. It's not about me it's about what God is doing through me.
"And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news.'" -Romans 10:15
