Be Still

She sits slumped against a big oak tree feeling the crisp autumn wind blow through her hair. As she ponders life she watches the vibrantly colored leaves dance around the ground and the squirrels scurry hastily from one spot to another. She lets out a long deep sigh as she lies down to watch the bright blue of that days sky turn to the vivid colors of a typical fall sunset. Orange, red, yellow, purple, the colors flow together like a perfectly imperfect painting. Soon the leaves will turn brown and crunchy as fluffy white snow flakes flutter to the ground covering the dead leaves and grass with a blanket of white, but for now she rests in the midst of a fall day. The weight of the world is heavy for her. To heavy. As thoughts arise, memories flow, tasks gather, time slips away."Wasn't it just yesterday that..." She thinks long and hard of how time has slipped through her fingers much like a child playing with dusty sand. From sunrise to sunset the strings of life have her dancing like a puppet. Going this way and that way, trying to decipher which way she came from and which way she is to go. The madness much like that of the streets in the heart of New York City. Get where you're going and get there fast, keep your head down, don't smile at anyone, don't say hi or wave, don't even look at anyone. The constant pace of time distracts her from the life around her, because not only is life her puppeteer, but so is time, and when time isn't pulling the strings society is. Society tells her, "You must look this way, feel this way, have this much money, and have the latest (insert item here) to find true happiness in life". Because heaven forbid one hair is out of place or she doesn't have this or that. Heaven forbid she have a different opinion. An opinion of her own. Heaven forbid she does not follow the crowd. She excuses her behavior for not agreeing, because she knows she lives in a world where black is white, white is black. right is wrong, wrong is right, and in a world where it is no longer okay to have her own views, opinions, or even life. She is constantly held under the expectations of those around her. Trying to please those around her she chases after those unattainable expectations, like a cat chasing a speedy mouse. Impossible. No matter how fast she runs, how many tricks and jumps she does, there is no way she can possibly live up to what she is expected to. There is no way she can juggle the madness of life that is suddenly crashing down around her. She is so busy trying to be something or someone she is not that she forgets what truly matters. While her outside appearance may be flawless, on the inside, she is sick with a disease only a miracle could heal. They say outward appearance is a reflection of the inside, but if that were true, she'd barely be alive. She looks like she has it all together and that she has every answer, she tries to be the student her teacher expects her to be, the child her parents want her to be, the disciple her youth pastor encourages her to be, the friend her friends want and often need her to be. She is constantly pulled in every direction with barely a seconds time to spare. She wears a smile of happiness on her worn down face, but if only they knew that the disease that was slowly tearing her apart was now more alive than ever.
After a long winters walk, the snow gently falling like angels were shedding precious feathers from their wings, she trudges into her house. She passes her family on the way in, they say something she's sure, but she is far to focused on the thoughts speeding through her mind. Sneaking into her room, she plops on her bed and continues to ponder life. As she wonders, her head turns and her eyes fall on her Bible. She sits up, grabs the book, and wipes of the dust. "It's been awhile." She thinks out loud as she slowly flips through the pages. Discouraged, she tosses the Bible onto her bed. "I don't even know where to begin. It's been weeks since I've studied on my own. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I don't have the time." She mutters, thinking out loud again. When she was just about to put the Bible back on the shelf, a voice sounds in the back of her head said, "My dear daughter, here I am! Do you not hear me? Or are not listening? My child! You are my beloved and I love!" She grabs her Bible and flips through the pages until she lands on this, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and answers the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." Revelations 3:20 She flips back a few pages to read this, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:7-10 She continues to muddle through the pages only to stop and read this, "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you, Cleanse your hands you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded." James 4:8 "But God... you don't understand. you have no idea what I'm going through. You don't understand all that I have to do and all that's expected of me. God you don't know how weak and tired I am. God I'm so far from you and I don't know how to fix it." She prays aloud as tears fill her eyes and she stumbles on the words as she reads the first line of Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." Be still. Rest. Relax. Have peace. Regain your strength in the arms of God! Suddenly all the tasks that she needs to complete, the homework shes expected to do, the chores that need to be done, the works that needs to be finished, and the expectations that need to be achieved aren't important, and the weight on her shoulders is released. That disease that pulled her further and further into a downward spinning spiral known as the world or sin, is no longer dragging her down. Her hands have been cleansed by the wounds of Christ and her heart purified by the blood of the Holy Lamb. She is no longer a puppet attached to strings, but a child free to run and dance and sing and live! Because God loved her, she is now able to smile with love rather than anger or exhaustion. He breathed into her the breath of life and she is now more alive than ever! That doesn't mean she won't stumble, because she will, and at times the disease will catch her and drag her back down, but no matter how far she falls, how dark it seems for her, there's always a light up a head and an out stretched arm ready to pull her back to safety. Though she run back to the waters time after time, she will not learn, but thankfully her lifeguard walks on water, and offers a little thing called Grace. "My dear, my grace is sufficient enough for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness"
That winter night seems so far away form today, and that autumn evening even further. When did life start flying by? Each day she remembers to make time for the one who created time. Even if it be only a couple minutes, that's all he longs for, is to hear his child's voice. "Draw near to him and her will draw near to you." She remembers each day as a gift, for each day she lives is one day closer to the day she'll meet her savior face to face. The day is unknown. The time is unknown. The future is unknown. For now she is remembering to be still, because the unknown is held in the hands of a known God.