I Said No. God Said Yes.

I arrived home after a long nine day trip to Mississippi where my group and I taught vacation Bible school and  just loved on all the sweet kids. My last Mission Trip with my youth group was finally over and the realization that I may never see my girls again set in. The precious girls I had taught for four years and my new girls who were a little too sassy, but had a special place in my heart. The thought had crossed my mind that I could go back on my own or that I could do something more, but I didn't pay too much attention to the thoughts in my head. The thoughts that lead me to believe that I could make a difference in this world. The thoughts that told me I could go to some foreign country and be a servant. The thoughts that said I was capable of anything I set my mind to as long as my trust and strength came from God. But of course those were just thoughts that were quickly replaced with other "opinions", like, "You can't possibly think you are old enough or important enough to do something like this do you? Do you really believe that you can make a difference? You are one person. I can't even believe you think this is a possibility." I could go on an on, but that list is not what is important. What is important is that those thoughts in my head, weren't my thoughts at all. They were God leading me to something much bigger than I could comprehend. Those thoughts that I believed were just thoughts and my own curiosity, were the beginning of a wild ride. A ride so crazy you'd be insane to agree to tag along. So I panicked. I said no. "No way am I going to do any sort of missions work outside of my comfort zone. Sure that's a nice idea, but not for me, I'm too (insert previous negative statements here)." I slammed that door shut and that was it, or so I thought. One week later that door creeped back open when a missionary from Honduras came and talked at my church. "How amazing would it be to do something like that. To travel to an unknown place and teach kids about Jesus." I thought as I listened to them talk about their story. I introduced myself at the end and told them what they were doing was truly wonderful, and slammed the door shut once again. Little did I know that God had something pretty great up his sleeve. Shortly after that Sunday I received a message from one of the missionaries telling me about their program and if I had any interest in coming to Honduras. "No way. This can not be happening right now. They want ME to come to Honduras?!" It was a nice idea, but even if I wanted to, there was no way I could afford to travel to Honduras, get shots, pills, buy a plane ticket, pay for food/housing, and pay for a passport. That's just ridiculous, right? So once again I took the door and reluctantly closed it. Within in a week God reopened that door AGAIN. After talking with the missionary it was revealed that I would only have to pay for my plane ticket, shots, and passport. My housing would be covered as well as my food. I'd be crazy to turn that offer down right? Well, I did. I told God no. A plane ticket was over $1,500 plus baggage, plus my passport and shots. I was looking at over $2,000 still. I turned this incredible offer down, but God was not stopping there. Within another couple of days, I got a message from the missionary I had been in contact with telling me to check into this airline that they use when they go to and from Honduras. I checked it out and the tickets were significantly cheaper. I was finally on board and said yes to God and what He had planned. It wasn't all sunshine and roses from there. I agreed to go to Honduras in the summer of 2017 in July to give myself enough time to prepare and earn the funds needed to get a ticket. I had over a year to get ready for this month long journey, but God said, "Think again. You're going now." Every single ticket for June, July, and August were sold and the school I would be teaching at would no longer be in session. "Isn't this what you wanted me to do Lord?! I listened! You told me to go and now you're telling me I can't?!" It didn't make sense to me until one of the head teachers at the school I'd be teaching at asked if I could come in January. I immediately shot it down, but then reconsidered the option. "We do have Interim, so I wouldn't be missing school, but it's just too soon. I'm not ready yet. There probably aren't any tickets left anyway." I checked the website and there was the exact dates I needed to leave and for a cheaper price. "Alright God what are ya doing? How is this even possible?" Not only was the ticket cheaper, but the school would be in session as well! I told God no, but He said yes and He said trust me. I have 4 months to prepare for this trip as opposed to over a year. I have no idea what I am going to experience or how everything is going to fall into place, but I am trusting in God's plan. On December 29th of 2016 I will leave the United Stated for the first time and travel to Siguatapeque, Honduras where I will stay until January 24th of 2017. I will be assisting in teaching English as well as the beautiful stories in the Bible to kids Monday through Friday and teaching AWANA and other activities on the weekends. My heart is so excited and so overwhelmed, but so ready to love and share the love of Jesus. Jesus said, "GO therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you and behold I am with you ALWAYS, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20 I had to memorize this verse to go to Mississippi. I never really understood it. Correction- I never wanted to understand it. Jesus said, "Go." and that's exactly what I am doing. There's are part of me that doesn't want to believe this is a reality, because then there is no cushion, meaning I'd allow myself to become terrified and my trust will fail. "What if my passport doesn't come?, What if I totally mess up my kids?, What if my plane crashes or I forget to take my Malaria pill?, What if I'm reading this whole situation wrong and I'm not actually suppose to go to Honduras?, What if everyone is right and I'm not old enough or prepared enough?, What if my mind draws a blank and I can't remember a singe part to the gospel?" There are so many things that could go wrong, BUT there are so many things that could go right. We are promised in Acts that we, "will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you.." When we do God's will and become His witnesses- there is nothing that can stop us, because nothing is stronger than the power of God and nothing is more beautiful than the feet that God has given us. "And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news?'" -Romans 10:15 My feet are rough, calloused, and ugly in the eyes of the world, but to God they are so much more. I never realized that until God started changing my heart. "Do not be conformed by the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern the will of God, what is good and acceptable, and perfect. " Romans 12:2 A year or so ago I would have given up on this calling. I would have conformed to what those around me were telling me rather than what God was telling me. My heart wouldn't fight for what was right. I merely sat and listened as I watched the world around me, but God has been making me new each and every day. Every day I'm a little closer to the person God is crafting me to be and sometimes I stumble. I fall behind. I fail. But God picks me up, dusts me off and pushes me along. He is slowly molding my heart and is preparing it for what I will experience this winter. My heart is a jumbled mess ready to love on the people of Honduras. In 94 days I will drive three hours to an airport where I will be responsible for checking myself in and boarding the correct flight. In 94 days I will board 3 different planes until I arrive in San Pedro, Honduras and meet my host family, who will drive me the two hours to Siguatapeque. In 94 days I will be sent on a mission by God to be his Hands and Feet. Not only will I be His hands and feet, but I will be his ears that listen to the stories of the hurting and the laughter of children. I will be His eyes that will see a world of heartache. In 94 days God will send me on the experience of a life time. Father hold my heart and guide my steps on this narrow road.