Not mine, but His

"Maybe that stirring in your heart, that passion that fuels your everyday- maybe that’s God drawing you closer to Him until it’s time.”

"Maybe, God is using this season to grow you, to reveal the areas you have yet to surrender to Him."

God is faithful. Always.

I've been running- away. I've been wrestling- against.

My heart- stubborn. My mind- practical.

He's been chasing me- relentlessly pursuing me. He's been calming me- not fighting, but holding me.

His heart- quietly whispering to mine. His ways- un wise in the eyes of this world.

I know the answers, I just want different ones.

I know that many are my plans, but His purpose prevails.

I know that His plans are so much more life giving than mine.

BUT...

I am stubborn.
I hide.
I run.
I seek council from everyone, but the One who knows the answers I need.
I selfishly look for the safest route- the most practical (but maybe a little wild)

I think. Too much.
Every option has a plan.
And every plan has a plan.

"Many are the plans in the mind of man, but the Lord's purpose will stand"

"Lord not mine, but Your will be done"

Words that are so easy to pray, but truly believing them is a whole different story.

"Not mine"

BUT...

"YOUR will be done, LORD"


My weak heart wants nothing more than to walk in the foot prints that have been laid before me.

BUT... 

My stubborn mind: 

"I have this."
"I figured it out."
"I can do this."
"Here's the game plan."

BUT...

Reality...

"Wait a second.."
"That's not right.."
"It was not supposed to be this way.."
"How did this happen?"

"Many are the plans in the mind of man, but the Lord's purpose will stand"

I'm really good at making plans, but leaving God out of the equation.
I'm really good at over thinking, but forgetting to think through the mind of Jesus.

When life does not go the way I think it should, I, like many, get scared. The unknown is scary. Change, is terrifying.

Right now there are a lot of "unknowns", that each have a lot of options. Of course each of those options already have a plan and looking at the "big picture", there is no "wrong" decision in choosing one over the other.

BUT...

My mind tells me otherwise.
Fear tells me just what could go wrong with either option.
Security tells me that both will be uncomfortable.
One is practical- the other not so much.
I am equipped for neither.

SO...

I avoid making a choice.
I become comfortable.
I can continue to live with out choosing.

UNTIL...

I'm called out on my hiding.
Light is shed on my comfort.
The deadline is passed and time is running out.

BUT...

"I can not do this."
^There's my problem, "I".

I have made myself comfortable in being comfortable. I have made myself content on relying on my own wisdom and strength and I have made myself the center, when is reality- God has been quietly whispering to me the entire time. Gently drawing me back to shore.
The truth is, God can and will be glorified no matter what.
I just have to choose.
And once I choose- I have to trust.
I have to trust that His plans will be better than mine and His name glorified.
I have to let go of the control that I grip onto so tightly.

SO...

In the midst of 
  The crazy
  The confusion
  The fear
  The excitement
  The heartache 
I can find peace in His presence and I can bring glory to His name. 

My stubborn heart and practical mind are no match for His perfect Grace and endless pursuit.

During this season, I'm reminded that:
I don't have everything figured out
Life is uncomfortable
His plans are far superior to mine

"ALL GLORY, HONOR, AND PRAISE, TO THE LAMB THAT WAS SLAIN"

___________________________________________________________________________

Please watch this video of what the Lord has placed on my heart and listen to these couple songs:

Missions Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXTYsY7XqNU

Song 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4cL_iva9s4&list=PL_v4-yyJ20FwffZDh9b54kuXGHT4WC3RC

Song 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgAzLKXqcDk